Just a Joke
by kazenoyouni
Summary: Naruto hopes this is all just a joke, but what kind of crazy joke is this? But bound by a promise he can't just ignore, will he give in and let this joke influence the rest of his life? And if he did, would it really be so bad? SasuNaru
1. Chapter 1

A little late in the day, but as promised, here is the first chapter of my new story. This one is all finished, and only four parts. So long as I don't forget, you should get the other chapters every Friday for the next few weeks. In the meantime, I will try to get writing on Storms and/or SA.

Forgot how much work goes into setting up a new story in ...

Anyways, just a random idea I had that seemed fun! Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: crazy ladies, unbeta'd, if I wrote it right, might cause some tears

Disclaimer: me no own

* * *

It started out as a joke. Or, at least, it was _supposed _to be a joke.

Kiba, the dog-faced mutt, dared Naruto to climb that fence and sneak into the ginormous house where the crotchety old lady lived. She was well known around the neighborhood as the grouchy old lady who always yelled at people and talked in circles. No one ever visited her, and it was no big surprise to her neighbors why.

But the gossip around the neighborhood children was that she held some great treasure in that huge old mansion of hers, and that it was guarded by her and her deceased husband's grumpy ghost and their half a dozen deranged cats (plus a couple of ghost cats, or so the story goes).

Naruto, who hated even the thought of ghosts, couldn't say no to a dare, most especially one presented by Kiba.

Sure he was already seventeen going on eighteen, just half a year away from graduation. That didn't have to mean he had matured any since his ridiculously immature years of twelve and under. Well, maybe a little, but not enough to wimp out on a dare.

And so there he was, eyeing the fence between the street and his glorious win against Kiba, the next in a long line of stupidity. He nodded once in anticipation of showing Kiba up once again. Then up he went over the fence and into the overgrown yard.

He crouched low, ducking and weaving through the tall grass, keeping an eye out for anything unordinary and ghostly. The only thing which registered as a little odd, however, as he stealthily maneuvered through the grass, was the overabundance of tomatoes…

And soon he was at the slightly open back door, blue eyes peering this way and that, looking to see if the way was clear.

The dare had specified touching the back shoji(1) door, and taking back with him a piece of that old crumbling wood from the paneling. He had made it across the yard and stood shins against the wood porch. Now all he had to do was reach for it…

And he fell.

Well, no one ever said he was the most graceful thing around…

Suddenly he could hear the slow shuffling of feet down the rickety hallway, and he dove for cover behind a short sofa just inside the now fully open door.

"Who's there?" a female voice asked into the empty space. It sounded old, timid… even a little bit scared. It sounded nothing like the screeching, scary old woman all the neighborhood kids were afraid of. Naruto pursed his lips, his brows scrunching together as that irritating feeling filled him- that feeling he absolutely dreaded, the one Iruka instilled in him whenever he did something even remotely wrong… Guilt.

So she was loud; she was old. She probably couldn't hear all that well and spoke loudly to be able to hear _herself_. That didn't mean she was actually _yelling_; the kids just assumed that's what she was doing because they were always doing something worth getting yelled at _for_.

And just because she talked in circles didn't mean anything more than she probably had Alzheimer's. She forgot what she had already said just a few moments ago, thought it still needed to be said. Again, she was _old. _Maybe even _ancient_. Maybe she had even been around at the time of Tokugawa Ieyasu(2)!

Now that would have been cool…

Naruto shook his head of golden hair to clear it from the random thoughts spinning out of control. He was seventeen, too old to get carried away by random fantasies of samurai and ninja…

Though he _really _loved ninja.

He carefully peered around the edge of the low sofa, a hand resting against the firm but yielding fabric of the back, and blinked at the small figure which slowly entered the room. He knew her, had seen her before plenty of times (more often than not he was a part of that group of kids getting yelled at for coming too close), but he had never had such a close view of her.

She was tiny, thin, her wispy silver hair pulled up in a bun on the top of her head, her thin lips pursed as she squinted into the dark room, the light streaming in across her back from the open doorway. She stood hunched over, but Naruto perceived it wasn't because she was someone who was now naturally bent over with age, but because she wanted to appear as small as possible. Maybe it was to appear unintimidating to any unwanted intruder. Maybe it was because she was afraid and really wanted to take up hiding as far away from the room as possible but was chancing the search anyway. Hell, maybe she was really a ninja, and she was trying to look smaller because she was preparing an attack!

Okay, Naruto really needed to snap out of it.

He pursed his lips and shrunk back as she came closer, carefully measuring each step. She was used to being small, now it seemed she knew how to use it to her advantage. And maybe she really was some sort of ninja, because before he realized it, she was peering over his shoulder, and he nearly jumped three feet in the air at the quietly whispered, "Found ya!"

"Gah! I'm sorry!" he screeched, his voice coming out high pitched and squeaky as he threw his hands in the air and tried to scramble away before abruptly colliding with a wall.

"Hmph. Young brats these days," the old lady grumbled. "What are you doing intruding in my home, eh?"

"Uh, well, I … Uh…," Naruto, the ever eloquent one stumbled along, trying to get words out while he tried to calm his racing heart.

The old lady shook her head and wandered over to the sofa, sitting elegantly as the boy finally stopped trying to use coherent words. "You're Iruka's brat, aren't you?"

"I…" Naruto knew he was in trouble now. She knew who he was, where he _lived_, who he reported to…

Iruka was gonna skin him alive…

He stood there sweat-dropping, wondering if he could use his marvelous Uzumaki charm to get him out of this. "Look, I... I really am sorry. I didn't mean anything bad. Really!"

The old lady hmph'ed again. "Well, sit down already. If you're really Iruka's, then you can't be _all _bad."

Naruto quickly agreed to that assumption and hastily dropped down on the floor, pulling his shoes off as he got ready to do penance so long as Iruka was left out of the loop.

"But don't think that means you're out of the dog house. You break and enter, you gotta pay the price."

"B-But, I didn't break anything!" Naruto protested.

"Seiza(3) position!" she barked in that tell-tale loud yell of hers, and quickly he complied. "I'm gonna punish you the best way I know how," she began, her dark eyes squinting as she looked at him. He gulped audibly. "I'm gonna tell you a story!"

He blinked at her. Was that a joke? "Uh… okay?"

She nodded and sat back, her voice dropping in volume and smoothing over. Naruto tilted his head to listen as the words began to flow from her mouth, and they were nothing like he had expected. "It was the height of winter, but for some reason, the snow hadn't fallen in Konoha. We're not so far south that snow doesn't fall, but it's not an everyday thing in winter. But still, it was unusual."

Naruto swallowed and leaned forward on his haunches. She had just started, but already he was intrigued.

"I was a young girl back then, but even I could tell something was wrong. The skies were always dark, but it was as if the snow was being held back. A bad omen."

Naruto sat forward even more, eyes growing wide. This was the kind of thing he had heard of- old people droning on and on about stuff from their past. It was supposed to be the dull of the dull, but this-

"My father could tell something was off as well. Back then, my family was pretty well-known and well-off, and my father led the clan. We're all dispersed now, but then we all lived together, and everyone respected their elders properly. Not like kids do these days…" and she glared at the blond.

Only to notice the wide-eyed intent stare, the mouth hanging open as he nodded, ready for the next sentence like he was starving for a meal (in his case, of ramen).

The glare softened and she nodded, a small smile hanging from her lips. "He set off after the new year into the forest to check the mountains, hoping to find some clue as to what could be happening. Meanwhile, I stayed behind with my mother, left to worry and watch the ever-darkening sky."

It seemed even she was getting carried away, the small old woman, as she continued her tale in that slow hushed voice. She couldn't help it, with such a rapt listener sitting there, hanging from her every word. So she told her story, of the day they heard of the suspicious events of the town next door, of the strangers who appeared nearly at her family's doorstep while her father was still away. She went on and on, and never once did she repeat herself.

And in that same tone of voice she told of the way the stranger had looked, "dark and hidden, cloaked in dark silk as he walked through the town as if he was the only one who existed. We could have all been nothing more than trees in a forest to him."

Naruto was really starting to wonder, as the story went on, what happened to the scary old lady who lived in the haunted mansion guarding some secret treasure with her grumpy husband's ghost and a half a dozen cats (and a couple of ghost cats). In fact, as the thought struck him, he realized he hadn't seen _any _cats, and definitely no ghosts (thank god).

All he had seen was the old woman, who was vastly more interesting than he could have thought as she told her story. "It was at that time that my father came back from the mountains. But when we told him about the strange visitor, he didn't know anything about it, and even the information of the town next door who had played host to the stranger was an unknown tale to him, even though he, too, had passed through it. And stranger yet, when my father went to search out the visitor, he was gone. And the next morning, the snow fell."

Naruto was sure he was going to fall over from how far forward he was sitting. His legs were numb, but for the life of him, he didn't care. "That was awesome," he murmured.

The old woman laughed softly. "Well, it's nice to have a captive audience every now and then." Then she cackled at her pun.

The blond just blinked at her, never one to understand such things. Though he did wonder briefly if maybe she wasn't just a little bit mad.

"Well, how about a cookie?" She asked as she stood up, bones creaking. "I think you've been punished enough."

Naruto grinned and struggled to his feet, just as the doorbell chimed, echoing in the large, lonely mansion. "Well, who could that be, I wonder…" she murmured.

He followed her as she slowly made her way through the mansion, his eyes wandering the elaborate decorations in the rooms they passed, the floor creaking under his feet, shoes in his hand.

At the door stood a worried Iruka, Kiba hiding behind the man's back.

"Naruto! You're alive!" Kiba called when he spotted the blond.

"Of course I'm alive, stupid mutt," Naruto grumbled.

"Naruto! Ah, I'm so sorry about Naruto…" Iruka began, sending a glare Naruto's way.

"Naruto, ha? Don't worry, Iruka. Naruto-chan and I were just about to have some cookies. I suppose time got away from us," she rumbled on, her voice changing to the one Naruto was more familiar with, a little loud and raspy.

He wondered at the change for a moment before he realized something far more important. She wasn't gonna tell Iruka.

Though, if Kiba had run to him for help, he might know anyways. Stupid Kiba.

"Oh, well…" Iruka seemed a little lost for words. He had been expecting something awful, a furious old crazy lady and an unrepentant Naruto. But instead, the old lady was smiling, a bit distantly maybe, but Naruto seemed perfectly at ease, maybe even a little _happy_. Strange…

For Naruto's part, he just seemed to realize the sun had set. He had spent much longer than he thought in that room with the old lady's voice droning on. He considered for a second, as he recalled the story, if he should tell her the punishments would work much better if she didn't tell such awesome stories.

Oh, well.

But as he walked away from the old lady who seemed to be waving in the wrong direction, Iruka's soothing hand on his back leading him away, he had no idea what trouble a little old crazy lady could cause…

* * *

It began to be a regular occurrence, after that. Whenever he wasn't with Kiba or at home with Iruka, he was in that old house with that old lady.

For hours he would be there, listening to her stories, some eerie as the first had been, some just interesting. She told even the most dull tales in the most fascinating way. In those long stretches of time, he'd play with her cats (she did actually have some, but only two- both completely solid and definitely not see through), or he'd snack on the homemade cookies, candies and food she was always making.

And during all those many hours, he had begun to notice a few things. First of all, the old lady really must have been a ninja in a past life, because she could spring up out of nowhere and scare the shit out of him at any time, cackling her crazy old lady laugh as he sat clutching at his racing heart. It was after the fourth consecutive time of this occurring during the same visit that he decided she was definitely "Shinobi-baa"(4). And so that's what he called her.

She seemed to like the nickname. A lot.

And _then_ there was…

The first time it happened, Naruto wasn't sure how to respond.

It started when Shinobi-baa handed him the clip. "A gift," she said simply, a wide smile on her face.

Naruto smiled back and took it, then carefully examined the small item in his hand.

Then he frowned.

"Ano, Shinobi-baa?" he began carefully. He didn't want to sound ungrateful, of course. He appreciated that she had thought to give him anything. But…

"Isn't it lovely? I made it myself. I thought the blue would go well with your beautiful eyes," she said. She was all smiles, beaming down at him as he frowned to himself, unsure how to continue.

He stared down at the small item and stammered a reply. "It really is great." The "But" continued to linger on the tip of his tongue. Really, a hair clip? With _flowers_? And… _sparkly things_?

Something… did not seem right, here.

Sure, it had been made perfectly clear to him early on in his getting to know Shinobi-baa that she was… well, not all there at times. He knew it wasn't to the extent most people believed. The neighborhood kids, for example. That was just a ploy. She was smart like that. For whatever reason, she didn't want people to get close to her. (Sometimes he wondered if she really didn't have some secret treasure hidden somewhere in that house.)

And so she acted like a crazy old cat lady, screeching and wild-eyed and creepy when people got too close. But she was actually rather brilliant, if not just a little crazy.

But this…

Naruto shook his head to clear his thoughts and peered up at the smiling Shinobi-baa. "Um…" A strange thought was occurring to him, something that had kind of approached him before in his mind but was hazy and distant and…

"Shinobi-baa," he finally began, forming the words he wanted to say and getting them out. "Boys don't really wear sparkly, flowery hair clips."

"Of course not," she waved him off. "That would be silly."

Naruto sighed in relief. Good, it was just his imagination.

"Now why don't you try it on so I can see!" Shinobi-baa continued, practically gushing.

Naruto hesitated again, sweat-dropping just a bit. "But we just agreed…"

"I don't see what that had to do with anything, Naruto-chan."

His mouth hung open a moment. There was no way. Did Shinobi-baa actually think he was a girl or something?

"Umm," he tried again, looking down at the clip in his hand. He couldn't hurt her feelings, but could she really think he was a girl? Did he not look manly and dashing? Of course he did. So maybe he was a little thin. And maybe he was a little shorter than most of the other guys in his age range. And maybe he had his mother's feminine-ish features. But he was most definitely a boy with all the proper boy parts, damnit!

So he tried a different approach. A bit more, _delicate_, in his wording. (Oh, how he hated to use that word right now). "Um, do I seem… _girly_ to you?" he asked.

Shinobi-baa stopped her smiling and peered at him carefully. Then the smile was back, and she gently patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, Naruto-chan, dear. You're _very_ feminine. I'll bet you have quite the number of suitors! A beauty like you!"

His mouth dropped open. No way. She really did think he was a girl? Really!?

"In fact, Naruto-chan," she continued, and it struck him then, that other thing that was kinda weird. She had always called him "chan"(5)! The only other people who did that were just trying to irritate him. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that…"

Naruto caught his breath and tried to slow his all of a sudden racing heart. He couldn't believe this. But he really, really liked crazy Shinobi-baa, so, well… Maybe he could put up with it? Maybe even _play along?_

She was old, after all. And he really loved her cooking and her stories…

It couldn't hurt, right?

"Oh, uh, sure. What is it," he finally stammered out.

She smiled, and suddenly his _play along_ idea seemed really unappealing. "You see, I have a grandson…"

Wait, grandson? She was not about to suggest what he thought she was going to suggest. No way. There was no way in hell he was gonna go on a blind date with a _boy_.

"He's a good boy. Handsome. About your age." And she was still talking, going on and on about her wonderful grandson. _Well,_ Naruto couldn't help thinking, _if he's so freaking wonderful, why does he need his _grandmother_ to set him up on a date?_

"However, he's a bit… shall we say, _shy_," she replied to his thoughts.

Naruto decided he needed to step in. "He really sounds great, Shinobi-baa," and he swallowed thickly at the forced words, then tried his best to plaster a fake smile on his face. "But I'm," _how to get out of this! _"not quite comfortable with blind dates."

"You don't already have someone?" Shinobi-baa asked. And she looked so disappointed at the idea, he couldn't lie.

"No, no one like that. I mean, there was someone I kinda liked…" But he couldn't say _a girl_ if Shinobi-baa thought he was one. "But that… wouldn't have worked." And he prayed she wouldn't ask questions.

"Ah, what a shame, for that _other person_," Shinobi-baa scoffed_. _"But fortunate for my grandson."

"Uh…" Naruto was lost for words, his face struggling to keep a cheerful smile.

And he started to wonder, for just how long would he have to play along with this? Maybe he really shouldn't, after all. Yeah, he would clear this up, openly declare to Shinobi-baa that he was _a boy_, and that would be the end of it!

But she was still smiling that happy, peaceful smile as she continued talking about her wonderful grandson, and he couldn't do it.

He just had to hope it would go away on its own.

* * *

Naruto firmly believed in promises, and keeping promises. Once one was made, there was no going back.

When he arrived at the house that day, he was surprised to receive no answer after the chime echoed through the house. Shinobi-baa always answered right away, like she already knew he was there. That was when the bad feeling hit him, and he dashed in, searching room after room until he found her lying passed out in that room in which they had first met.

He scooped her up and shook her gently, whispering frantic words to get her eyes to open.

Finally they did, those dark pools focusing in on him, examining him as though into his heart and soul.

He sighed in relief, and again it struck him that maybe she really did have some weird power about her.

But the thought was pushed away in favor of more important things.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently.

"Naruto-chan." She smile faintly, like it was a struggle. "I'm so glad… you're here…"

Naruto nodded. "I know. I'll call the police, get you an ambulance," he said, trying to gently place her back on the floor to find a phone.

"Naruto-chan… You don't… need to do that."

"What are you talking about, crazy Shinobi-baa. Of course I do!" He was frantic, trying to find a phone and finding none. He was throwing aside pillows, moving pictures, even scooped a cat out of the way as if the creature was hiding a phone under its fat belly.

"Naruto-chan. I need… to ask you something… Something important…. Please come here."

Naruto stopped what he was doing, his eyes stinging, biting on his lip to keep from crying as he turned back to her. She had never looked so frail, so pale. She was dying. They both knew it, but she had something she needed to say to him.

He nodded and moved toward her, kneeling respectfully beside her. "Yes, Shinobi-baa?" he whispered, his voice tight.

"There's a paper… in a drawer over there," she lamely indicated a large chest of drawers to the side of the room "… It has… my final wishes on it."

Naruto nodded. "Yes. I understand."

"There's something… I want you to do. Will you promise… to fulfill my wish?"

Naruto swallowed thickly, fighting to speak. "Yes, of course I will. I promise."

Shinobi-baa smiled, and her eyes closed. Naruto jumped up, and searched again for a phone, wetness beginning to stain his cheeks. Finally he found one, and made the call. Then he sat back down beside the old lady and waited.

* * *

(1) door of wood frame with translucent paper covering

(2) First shogun of the Tokugawa era which began in 1600

(3) kneeling with the tops of the feet flat on the floor, and sitting on the soles

(4) Shinobi is the same as "ninja", "baa" is short for "obaasan", which means grandmother, so he's basically calling her Ninja Granny

(5) Wasn't sure if this needs a note, but thought I'd add it in, just in case. Typically in Japan "–kun" is used for boys around Naruto's age range, and "–chan" is used for girls or small children.


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, here we go, the second part out of four! I'm glad everyone seems to like it so far. But now the fun really starts! Enjoy!

**Warnings: unbeta'd**

**Disclaimer: don't own**

* * *

It wasn't until a few weeks after Shinobi-baa's funeral that he found out what exactly it was he had promised her.

He was on his way home, his usual path leading him past the crazy old lady's house, and as always, his gaze was drawn to it. His blue eyes traced the familiar structure, and he could feel the stinging and the growing wetness again.

He wasn't a girl, but he couldn't help but feel a little girly with how much he had been crying as of late. But it couldn't be helped. Naruto was attached to the old lady, and now that she was gone, he really missed her.

Naruto bit his lip and turned his face away, speeding up his pace to get to the house he shared with Iruka.

He was just barely clearing the old lady's property when he stopped suddenly and turned back to the gate.

There was a boy standing there, leaning against the frame of the gate doorway, arms crossed over his chest. He seemed to be a little older than Naruto, handsome, with dark hair and eyes and pale skin. And it was when Naruto turned back to him that he noticed the stranger standing at the gate had been watching him.

Who was he? What was he doing at the old lady's house? And why was he just staring at him?

So Naruto did what he usually does in situations like this. He glared. "What the hell is your problem?" he growled.

And the boy smirked.

It was the cockiest smirk Naruto had ever laid eyes on. He could feel his irritation at the older boy flaring, and he turned and stomped back to the other boy to give him a piece of his mind- he knew some good curse words he'd be happy to put to good use.

But before he could say anything more, the boy stood from his slouched position and turned to fully face Naruto, the smirk lessening slightly. "Are you Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto was caught off guard. The guy knew his name? He looked up again, remembered where they were, and a puzzle piece seemed to fall into place. But no, that couldn't be… His face scrunched up in confusion as he scanned the guy again. Those dark eyes _were_ familiar... the same piercing dark eyes as Shinobi-baa.

"You… who the hell are you? How do you know my name?"

The boy smirked again and moved closer, forcing Naruto to take a step back as he continued to eye the boy wearily. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. You knew my grandmother."

Naruto's mouth fell open. This was Shinobi-baa's "shy" grandson? No way!

He shook his head and took another step back, wanting nothing more than to get away from this guy and get home to the safety of his room, where he could ponder it all in private. "I-is that so…" Naruto muttered.

"You recognize this?" the boy asked, and Naruto was forced to look up at the paper held loosely in the boy's hand.

He frowned at it. "A piece of paper?"

The boy-Sasuke- sighed in irritation. "No, moron, I mean what's _on_ the paper."

Naruto huffed. "Hey, asshole, if I knew, I would have said so."

Sasuke snorted. "It's my grandmother's last wishes."

Naruto blinked at Sasuke, then his eyes went wide in realization. His promise!

"T-that's right! I promised Shinobi-baa that I would fulfill the wishes she had for me!"

Sasuke lowered the paper and eyed Naruto for a long while, Naruto trying to get a peek at the paper and what wishes they were Shinobi-baa wanted him to fulfill.

"You really… don't know what she wanted?"

"Huh? No, why?"

Sasuke sighed. "You really are an idiot."

"Hey, jerk, she was… on her last breath. I wasn't about to ask a bunch of pointless questions."

A dark brow rose at Naruto. "In this case, you really should have. But then, it's not like you actually have to go through with it. "

"What the hell are you talking about? I made a promise, and I never go back on my word!" Naruto emphasized his point with a finger shoved in the attractive boy's face, an action which earned him an irritated glare.

"You sure about that, when you don't even know what she wanted?"

"Doesn't matter what she wanted. A promise is a promise. Whatever it is, I'll do it." Naruto crossed his arms and nodded in determination.

"Hmph. Fine. You're graduating in a couple of months?"

Naruto nodded, wondering why the boy was asking him that.

"Fine. I'll make the arrangements. We'll be married before a week has passed after your graduation."

Naruto frowned, then the words hit him and his mouth fell open for the second time in less than an hour. Did this guy just say "married"? "_We_"? As in- "What?!" Naruto screeched.

Sasuke once more shoved the paper at him. "You promised."

The blond took the paper from the other boy's hands and read through it. It wasn't very long, but toward the end he spotted his name, and there it was in black and white in flowing kanji. Shinobi-baa's final wish… for Naruto to marry her youngest grandson, Sasuke.

"You have got to be shitting me," Naruto muttered.

"No kidding," Sasuke replied back. Naruto looked up at the attractive boy and glared. There was no way Naruto could marry this guy. Not only was he a jerk , he was a _boy_, while Naruto was also a boy. Did Shinobi-baa really mean to carry it this far? Did she really not realize he was _not_ a girl?

Naruto grit his teeth. What could he do? He had made a promise, after all. But he couldn't marry a boy!

"What the hell," Naruto grumbled as he eyed the paper wearily. "Shinobi-baa seriously thought I was a girl?" He sighed heavily and felt his usually never ending energy fade away. What could he do? How could he get out of this? But he had made a death bed promise to someone who really meant a lot to him. How could he go back on that?

Sure, it wasn't the standard kind of promise, and it was based off of a misunderstanding, but it was a _deathbed promise_. That wasn't the kind of promise a person could just disregard, even someone who didn't vow to never break a promise, as Naruto had.

He bit his lip, his brow furrowing as he thought over his situation. This just couldn't be happening…

Sasuke sighed. "You don't honestly think my grandmother thought you were a girl."

Naruto glared at him. "Well what the hell do you think it is then? I mean, she wants us to get married. Neither of us are girls, yet she wants us to marry! And you didn't hear her," Naruto persisted, shoving an offending finger at the now heavily scowling taller boy. "She used to call me _chan_. And then there was the hair clip!" Naruto threw his hands in the air in exasperation, nearly smacking the pale skinned boy in the process, the paper flapping helplessly in the wind.

"Hair clip," Sasuke repeated in a deadpan.

"Yes, the _hair clip_." Naruto groaned. "I thought she was losing it, but I let it go cuz she was old. But she gave me a freaking hair clip. A _girly _hair clip! With sparkles! And flowers! Like she thought I was a girl! She even made me put the stupid thing in my hair!"

A dark brow was raised at Naruto, a half-amused, half-skeptical look on the other boy's face. "A hair clip."

"Yesss," Naruto hissed at him. "A. Freaking. Hair. Clip." Naruto let out a growl in irritation. This could not be happening.

"I really don't think my grandmother thought you were a girl."

Was he _still_ saying that? Naruto turned back to him and glared with all he was worth. Sasuke, the arrogant jerk, smirked.

"Well, I can't say this marriage won't be uninteresting."

"There's no way we're getting married," Naruto pouted, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest.

"Oh? Changed your mind? Planning on going back on that promise?"

Naruto flinched and swallowed thickly. The promise. He couldn't go back on a promise. "It's invalid," he obstinately replied.

Sasuke leaned back against the stone wall that divided Shinobi-baa's property from the street and lazily traced Naruto's body with his penetrating dark eyes, and Naruto shivered. He felt practically naked under that gaze, much like he had when Shinobi-baa would look at him, but this was slightly different. It was like the blond could almost feel the pervert undressing him with those eyes.

It made him want to cover himself with a lead vest.

"My grandmother wasn't as senile as everyone seems to believe. She didn't think you were a girl."

"You keep saying that," Naruto complained. "But when was the last time you saw Shinobi-baa? Not anytime recently. I was almost always with her!"

"_Almost_ always," Sasuke pointed out. "I saw her not too long ago, and she told me all about you. As well as her plan for us."

"Eh? And you agreed?" Naruto stared wide-eyed at the guy. Was he crazy?

But he just huffed in reply. "Of course not. I'm not stupid enough to make a promise like that."

Naruto frowned. "But yet you say we're gonna get married? You'll even prepare everything? What the hell?"

Sasuke sighed wearily. "I only agreed that I'd meet you. And I told her she could put it in her will if she wanted, but that there was no guarantee it would happen." Sasuke looked away, his gaze traveling up the road in the direction of Iruka's house. "And she never thought you were a girl."

It was getting on his nerves, the repetition of that phrase with no accompanying explanation.

Sasuke glanced back at him and, after catching the renewed irritation, continued. "She made it perfectly clear that she wanted me to marry a boy."

Naruto blinked at him. "Then why?"

"You might be a boy in body, but you have a feminine spirit. That's what she told me anyway." And Naruto could feel his face heating up, even as the pompous jerk eyed him with that deprecating stare, laughing at him internally.

"Like _hell_ I do," Naruto fumed.

"Whatever," Sasuke shrugged. "Take your time and consider your options. I'll be staying here a while." And with that, the older boy turned and headed through the gate and into the yard, a causally thrown backwards wave his only parting gesture.

* * *

Naruto thought long and hard about his predicament. For hours (or maybe it was just a lot of minutes) he sat pondering his next move. He couldn't agree. That was just ridiculous. But how could he say no? How could he go back on his word?

It really was hard. Naruto's pride wouldn't allow him to break his promise, but then again, could his pride handle him marrying a guy?

And with that final thought, Naruto stood from the desk chair in his room and stomped determinedly out of the house. He had made up his mind. As hard as it was to break a promise, he could not go through with marrying a guy. That was _not_ going to happen.

Soon he was in front of the gate, ready to go in and have a word with that guy, that corrupt, weird, perverted guy. So he pushed through the gate and made his way inside, resolve held firm as he knocked on the door and waited.

And waited.

And waited…

Naruto could feel a tick developing in his eye as he stood there waiting for the bastard to finally open the door. But at least as he stood there his resolve was able to firm up even more. After all, who would want to be stuck married to some asshole who keeps people waiting at the door for eternity?

So he resorted to Kiba's favorite door knocking method. He knocked in a rhythm, pounded out a beat, and added in a few kicks for good measure- pretending the door was that stoic bastard's behind.

And finally the door opened, an obviously irritated jerk standing there in the now open doorway, hair wet, towel draped around his shoulders.

"What. Do. You. _Want_?" the older boy growled out.

Naruto grinned. "I'm here about the whole marriage thing."

Sasuke glared a second longer, then sighed and let Naruto in. He led the way to a room Naruto was very familiar with, still the same as the last time he and Shinobi-baa had talked here together. Naruto sighed, taking in all the features and the fun, happy memories of the place. He was going to miss it…

"Sign here," Sasuke instructed, producing a paper and a pen from a drawer in the corner, placing them both on the low coffee table at which Naruto had eaten plenty of yummy snacks. "Sign it and get out. I have things to do."

Naruto glared at the jerk, then gave a huff and signed the paper. "There. All taken care of, right?"

"Right. Now get out."

Naruto was irked, and he stuck his tongue out at the bastard for good measure before he made his way back out.

And that was that. It was all over.

* * *

Until the next day, when the pompous prick showed up at Iruka's house after school. Iruka was still out, picking up groceries for that night's dinner. So Naruto was alone and unattended, left to eat a bowl of ramen Iruka would never have to know he'd devoured.

But there he was, Uchiha Sasuke, inviting himself in to the small house. He irreverently dumped his shoes by the door and made his way to the living room, planting himself on the couch as though he owned the place.

"What the hell? What are you doing here? I thought things were over with and I'd never have to see you again!" Naruto screeched at him, chopsticks accusingly pointed straight at the other boy.

First a dark glare at the offending wooden chopsticks, then a dark brow rose on that attractive face, as if to call him an idiot without the unnecessary use of words. "You really need to learn to actually ask what you're agreeing to before going ahead and making promises and signing official documents."

"What are you talking about?"

Sasuke reached into his back pocket and pulled out the paper, the one Naruto had signed just the evening before. Now it also had Sasuke's elegant scrawl etched onto its surface, as well as a very official looking stamp.

"So? That's the paper I signed. It was cancelling the engagement and whatever, right? That's why I went there."

"Moron," Sasuke sighed. "This," and he indicated with a nod of his head the paper he still held up, shaking it slightly for emphasis, "is the first part of my grandmother's request. According to this, we're already married. "

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Impossible!"

"Read it, idiot. Or are you illiterate as well as stupid?"

Naruto grabbed at the paper and read it through, his eyes widening as he skimmed over the evil, evil words. "But this… I can't be…" He glanced up at the jerk who was looking as relaxed as always. "How? I mean, we're both guys! How can we be _married_."

Sasuke huffed, "I'm an Uchiha, idiot. If I say you're a girl, then no one will argue, even if all the documents in front of them say 'male'. Hell, you could be standing naked in front of them and they'd still believe me."

Naruto was sure a bug would have no trouble flying into his mouth at this moment, he didn't think he even remembered how to shut it as it hung down to the floor. "We're married? Really?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"But- That's- We can't- I mean…"

"You always this coherent? Another one of your great skills?"

"Shut up! I'm confused. What about that marriage ceremony? Didn't you say that was going to be after I graduated?"

"Is that what you're so pissy about? You sure you're not a girl? If you want a ceremony that badly, we'll do it. Whatever you want. I don't care."

"No, that's not- I didn't mean it that way! I mean. Argh!" Naruto was ready to tear his hair out. Why was this happening to him? What had he done to deserve this?

"We can have the ceremony whenever. My grandmother wanted us bound together a quickly as possible, even if that meant we just file the documents."

"Wh-Why? Why so quick?"

"Apparently, she just wanted to be sure neither of us got taken by anyone else. She was a bit paranoid about it, actually," Sasuke replied.

"And why… How can you not care about all this? I mean, you can't actually be _okay _with me, with marrying a _guy_, one you barely even know! You even said so yourself, you didn't promise her you'd marry me, just meet me! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Sasuke sighed and looked Naruto straight in the eye. "I'd rather it be you than anyone else. I. Don't. Care."

Naruto couldn't believe it. He was stuck with an unfeeling bastard for a husband.

Sasuke rubbed his forehead. "Look, I get followed around- stalked, by girls all the time. It's annoying. If I'm married, it should drive most of the girls away. There are still the crazy ones, though, that couldn't care less if I'm married or not. But there's the advantage to being married to another male. Now, doesn't matter what the craziest girls think, if I prefer guys over girls, there's nothing they can do about it."

"So you're saying I'm just a cover? You are one sick bastard."

Sasuke shrugged. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you. You can have all the money you want."

"I don't need money! I'm only gonna marry someone for love!"

Sasuke looked at him pointedly. "You're already married."

Naruto was ready to faint. He just barely managed to utter a stubborn, "I refuse!"

"Too late."

This couldn't be happening. Just couldn't. He really loved Shinobi-baa, but this guy… There's no way he could be married to this guy. Whether he was a girl or a guy, he couldn't be married to _this guy_.

He glanced again at the paper before him.

He couldn't, but he already was.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for a late in the day posting. Got out of work only to discover I had a flat tire... Ugh. Anyways, you all should enjoy this- we have SMUT! Also, I think this is the longest of the four parts...

So without further ado...

Warnings: SMUT, unbeta'd

Disclaimer: me no own

* * *

The torment wouldn't stop. He kept hoping, praying that it was all still just some sick joke, but the jerk just _wouldn't go away_.

Naruto couldn't understand it. Why wouldn't he let it go, why wouldn't he just drop it? Naruto had no problems pretending it hadn't happened. And the jerk had said it himself. As an Uchiha, he could make whatever he said the truth. If he could convince people Naruto was female, then he could easily make those papers he had signed go away.

But no, he wouldn't. For whatever reason, he insisted in going along with it.

Of course, Naruto didn't want to go against Shinobi-baa's wishes. He really, really liked her. But this was ridiculous. How could he be married to a guy?

And why wouldn't that bastard Sasuke let it go?

Out of everything, that was probably what puzzled Naruto the most. He was ready to let it slide, and Sasuke had said himself over and over that he didn't care. But still… he kept persisting.

He kept pushing for it.

Every day he somehow made himself a part of Naruto's life, as often as possible. In the morning, he was standing by the gate to Shinobi-baa's house, that smirk on his face and an "itterashai"(1) as Naruto passed. Naruto refused to say "ittekimasu"(2) to the bastard. He always looked the other way and deliberately walked faster as soon as the jerk came into view. Once he even hissed a quick, "I'm not coming back to you, bastard!" as he passed.

And again, when Naruto was on his way home, either alone or with Kiba, Sasuke was there at the gate, ready with an "okaeri". And again, Naruto would ignore him, as well as Kiba's confused looks or numerous questions.

After all, there was no way he could admit it. There was no way he could tell anyone he was _married _to a _guy_. He just couldn't do it.

It was hardest with Iruka. Iruka was family, he was everything to Naruto. But Iruka more than anyone, he couldn't tell.

But it was getting harder and harder to keep a lid on this horrible thing that had happened to him. Because Sasuke was _always_ there.

It seemed to be his plan, the sadistic asshole, to slowly embed himself into Naruto's life. It started with excuses- coming over for some salt he needed to prepare dinner, a question for Iruka on how best to clean something, what the best way of caring for the tomato plants might be.

Slowly, Sasuke was ingratiating himself with Iruka.

And it was working.

The first sign of that was the afternoon Iruka had commented during dinner what a nice, polite, handsome boy Uchiha-kun was. "You should be friends with him, Naruto," Iruka had said with a happy smile on his face.

Naruto choked on his dinner and nearly collapsed off his chair.

Then there was the day, where to his happy surprise, Sasuke hadn't been standing at the gate on his way home. He had thought the nightmare might be over, or at least, he would get a break for a day. But no. It was horrendous. There he was, the second Naruto cheerfully stepped through the front door of the house he shared with Iruka, sitting on his couch, drinking tea from _his freaking tea cup _(3), looking for all the world like he was _at home_.

The smile vanished. "What the hell are you doing here!" he screeched, his voice coming out far more high-pitched and squeaky than he had intended, a shaky finger outstretched at the hell-spawn before him.

Sasuke smirked.

"Naruto! That's no way to greet our guest! And watch your language!" Iruka scolded. "Honestly, where are your manners?"

Naruto grit his teeth. The smirk grew. Those lips parted (and why Naruto was watching them at all he blocked from his brain), and the bastard spoke. "Okaeri."

Naruto couldn't fight it. He had just been scolded for having no manners. It took all the effort he had as he fought it, but he knew he couldn't _not _say it, not with Iruka standing right behind him. "Tadaima," he ground out.

Damn, he hated making that bastard happy.

And happy he was, not even keeping the damn grin off his face, his dark eyes dancing with mirth at Naruto's irritation.

Iruka gave a happy sound and wandered away, no doubt to gather some snacks and drinks for his charge and guest.

Naruto took that opportunity to approach Sasuke and growl out an irritated, "What are you doing here?"

Sasuke raised a brow as he leaned back on the couch and eyed Naruto languidly.

"Why shouldn't I be here? We are married, after all. I should have the right to see my spouse whenever I wish."

Naruto's face went red and he hissed at him. "We are _not _married. And don't let Iruka hear you say that!"

"Why not? You signed the papers. We _are _married."

"No. We are _not._ There is no way I'd marry a… a… a bastardly… stupid… irriational jerk like you!" He was still trying to keep his voice down to keep Iruka from hearing, but it was getting hard. Naruto was a loud person by nature, and the hissing was starting to hurt his throat. Plus the strain of dealing with the irritating boy before him didn't help.

Sasuke huffed. "Don't you have a way with words. Moron. You're the one who made the promise to my grandmother. And you're the one who said you don't go back on promises."

"I told you, I didn't know she wanted me to marry her grand_son_. That's not right!"

Sasuke shrugged. "Not my problem."

"How is that not your problem? We're _married._"

Sasuke smirked. "I thought you said we _weren't _married_."_

Naruto fumed. _Why that sly…_

"Don't twist my words, asshole."

"You're the one who said them. Really should make up your mind." Sasuke gave Naruto a strange look, an examining one, his eyes boring into him the way Shinobi-baa's used to, and it made him shiver. "Or maybe you want to be married to me, but don't want to admit it? Tell me, did you fall in love with me?"

Naruto nearly fell over from shock. "No!" he shrieked loudly.

"Naruto? Is everything okay?" Iruka called from the kitchen, rushing into the room, tray of snacks in hand.

Naruto looked like a deer caught in the headlights, frantically shaking his blond head of hair. "Everything's fine, Iruka!" he squeaked.

Sasuke snorted.

Naruto's brow twitched.

"Alright…" Iruka frowned. He placed the snacks on the coffee table and smiled cheerfully at Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun, will you be staying for dinner?"

Sasuke put on a sweet, gentle smile that made Naruto want to throw up. "I wouldn't want to impose," he replied.

"Impose? Nonsense. It would be a pleasure to have you!" Iruka insisted.

"And it would be rude of me to refuse," Sasuke answered.

Naruto cringed. _Why?_

And so the bastard stayed for dinner.

It passed pleasantly enough, and Naruto was able to mostly keep out of it, pretending he wasn't there, sitting beside the jerk who was trying to make his life hell. But it was unnerving, the familiarity occurring between Iruka and Sasuke.

And it only became worse when it became a standing invitation. Suddenly Naruto stood there at the doorway, excited to see Sasuke _leaving_, only to hear Iruka make that dreadfully fateful invitation. "Please feel free to join us more often, Sasuke-kun. It gets a little lonely sometimes, with just the two of us. I hope you'll become a regular guest?"

Naruto froze, jaw hitting the ground as Sasuke smirked, casting a self-satisfied look at Naruto. "I would be honored," he replied to Iruka.

Naruto almost felt like crying. (But he _wasn't_ a girl, so he didn't.)

But every day the urge was there, always below the surface. As he made his way to school, passing by Shinobi-baa's home with the jerk waiting by the gate. On the way home, Sasuke walking with him to Iruka's house. Eating dinner together, just the three of them. And Sasuke making himself comfortable at the house, as though it was his home.

"Sasuke-kun, I hope this doesn't sound rude, but I was wondering how long you plan to stay at your grandmother's home," Iruka asked one day. Naruto's ears perked up. He had wondered, anxiously awaited the day Sasuke would leave. If he had an idea when it would be, maybe he would be able to bear the present! "Surely it must be difficult? All by yourself, and in the house your dear grandmother lived in?"

Sasuke slowly stopped his eating, thoughtfully chewing until after he had swallowed and could talk without food in his mouth. "It has been difficult. However… There was a certain request my grandmother made in her will…"

Naruto froze, silently praying Sasuke wasn't going to say any more, that he wouldn't mention the marriage. He knew Naruto didn't want Iruka to know, but he also seemed to enjoy making Naruto's life difficult. This could be his moment.

But he didn't take it.

"A request?" Iruka questioned.

"Yes. I don't intend to leave until the request has been appropriately met."

"I see. I suppose it must be a difficult request then?"

"Somewhat. There are… aspects which are proving… particularly _stubborn_." He glanced at Naruto, who glared at him.

"Ah. Well, I hope things go well for you, Sasuke-kun," Iruka said, smiling soothingly.

Sasuke nodded, a faint smile on his lips. "Though, I have been thinking it might not be a bad idea to stay here indefinitely," he added after a moment.

Naruto spat out his tea, coughing up a storm at Sasuke's sudden words. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted the bastard to leave, to let him get on with his life. He didn't think he could handle Sasuke staying for good.

"Oh?" Iruka asked, curious. "I think it would be wonderful if you could."

Naruto held himself back from shaking his head in disagreement.

"My grandmother's home has been left to me, so it wouldn't be a problem."

"Eh? Shinobi-baa left you the house?" Naruto couldn't help but ask.

Sasuke nodded. "And the cats. I always knew she intended to. My brother is set to inherit my parent's home, so she thought it only fitting I inherit her house."

"Your brother?" Iruka cut in.

"Yes. My older brother."

"Shinobi-baa had _two _grandsons?" Naruto murmured.

Sasuke nodded again. "My brother is my parent's favorite son. But I was my grandmother's favorite." Sasuke picked up a slice of tomato from his plate and eyed it for a moment before popping it into his mouth. "Tomatoes are one of my favorite foods, that's why my grandmother planted them in the backyard."

"Eh? That's why there's so many of them?"

"That's right."

"She planted that many freaking tomato plants just for you?" Naruto asked again.

"Nartuo, language!" Iruka scolded.

"Yes," Sasuke replied.

"Tomatoes."

A dark brow rose. "Yes, tomatoes." He sat back and eyed Naruto a moment. Then he smirked. "Why the sudden interest in something I like?"

Naruto went red, then buried himself in his food. "I don't care about you, I was just curious about Shinobi-baa."

"Naruto," Iruka scolded again.

Naruto kept his mouth shut for the rest of the dinner. But as soon as Iruka was out of earshot, he made his way to Sasuke's side to finish asking his questions.

"Hey, Shinobi-baa never mentioned having two grandsons. Are you sure she wanted me to marry you?"

Sasuke looked at him with a strange expression on his face. "Positive."

"How do you know that? I mean, when she spoke to me about her grandson, she said he was _shy_. You're a jerk, not shy."

Sasuke was silent a moment, that strange look intensifying. Then he spat out, "What, you'd rather be married to my brother?"

"Wha- No! That's not what I meant. I'm just saying…"

Sasuke turned away, apparently fighting with hiding his facial expression. "I told you at dinner. I was my grandmother's favorite. It was me she wanted to marry you. My brother… he's… Trust me," he said, sighing, before finally turning his head back over his shoulder to look at Naruto, "if you can't stand the idea of being married to me, you'd loath being married to my brother. If you don't like me, you'd _hate_ him."

Naruto blinked at the disgust in Sasuke's voice. "You… don't like your brother?"

Sasuke turned fully back around, leaning lazily against the door. He pursed his lips a moment before speaking. "Let's just say… we don't get along well."

Naruto looked down. He spoke quietly, "are you glad to be away from him?"

Sasuke huffed. "You have no idea."

Naruto looked back up and frowned. "So you really don't intend to leave."

"Why would I? The house is mine, I'm away from my bastard brother and my annoying parents… And my wife is here. You want to stay close to your foster father, don't you? And you like my grandmother's house."

"I'm not your wife. I'm a boy."

"Spouse, then. Whatever. I don't care."

Naruto ground his teeth in irritation. He was really getting annoyed by all the "I don't care"s the jerk kept tossing around.

He didn't think much on it then, only enjoying the sight of Sasuke's back _leaving_, but it occurred to him later, as he lay in bed slipping off to sleep. Blue eyes shot open and he blinked at the ceiling.

What had the bastard said? Part of the reason he was staying was because Naruto would want to be here? Because Naruto's family was here and because Naruto liked Shinobi-baa's house?

But that couldn't be right. Why would he care? Just another of those stupid quirks of the bastard.

Right?

But it was still on his mind the next day when he passed by Shinobi-baa's on the way to school, when he couldn't help but think he had a right to that house, too, now. And somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered why Sasuke wasn't standing at the gate when he passed.

Or when he was on his way home, passing by that house once more, he couldn't help but think he could be living there, spending every afternoon in that house much like he used to, helping Shinobi-baa tend the tomato plants.

His cheeks went hot at the thought.

He had always been good with plants, and seeing how much Shinobi-baa cared for all those copious tomato plants in her backyard, he had spent many afternoons assisting her. Pruning them and weeding them, picking the ripe ones and cheerfully chatting with the budding ones, encouraging their growth.

And they had been planted for Sasuke. For the person he was now married to. He vaguely wondered if that had made her happy, seeing him caring for the plants she had made for her beloved grandson, if it might have occurred to her to wonder if he could care for her grandson like that.

He bit his lip and felt his heart rate pick up speed as he touched the handle of the door that opened into the house he shared with Iruka. Sasuke was there now, wasn't he? Sasuke was there, waiting for Naruto, ready to greet him, right?

He stopped and shook his head fiercely. What was wrong with him? He didn't _like_ the pushy bastard. He hated being greeted by him, being expected to return it. He hated the thought that he was bound to the other boy now. That they were married, one in the eyes of the law.

Naruto's body shivered.

So why was he suddenly so nervous?

How had the jerk managed to penetrate Naruto's resolve, and make himself a spot in Naruto's confused heart?

He didn't know what to do.

He didn't want to go in. Didn't want to see Sasuke. But he couldn't _not_ go in. Iruka would suspect something was off. But Iruka would suspect something was off if he _did _go in, looking and acting the way he was.

Naruto was a mess.

He was a mess and-

"What are you doing, dobe?" Sasuke's deep voice intoned.

Naruto jumped in surprise, a squeak emitting from his slightly parted lips. He turned sharply, and Sasuke was standing behind him. And suddenly Naruto was noticing how handsome the older boy was. Attractive face, flawless and well-sculpted, penetrating dark eyes piercing into him so intently, dark hair falling forward just right. He was tall and lithe, he dressed impeccably, and the expression he wore was always so serious and intense. He really was perfect.

Naruto's cheeks were heating up again. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest as his gaze was riveted on Sasuke's face, even while Sasuke's own expression became more and more confused.

"Naruto?"

Naruto shivered at the sound of his name in that deliciously deep and sultry voice.

He bit his lip and shook his head, trying to clear it, though his heart wasn't slowing at all. "Y-yeah? I thought you'd be inside already," he said, his voice slightly trembling. He turned and pushed at the door, not waiting for a response. He banged into it soundly when it didn't yield.

"What the-" Naruto could feel his face go red again as he heard Sasuke snicker behind him. He tried the handle again and found it locked, and quickly fumbled with the key to open it and entered into the house. He could hear Sasuke following behind him, could hear the sounds of him taking off his shoes and leaving them just inside the house and following as Naruto headed further in towards the living room.

"I came by earlier," Sasuke finally began, "but it doesn't look like Iruka is here."

Naruto froze. "Huh?" He glanced around the living room, noticing how dark it was, and how quiet. That's why the door was still locked… "Where…?"

Quickly dashing for the fridge, he glanced at the calendar hanging there, noted the circled date and the note beside it in Iruka's handwriting- "Meeting with Parents".

Iruka was an elementary school teacher. Having regular meetings with the parents of his students was a part of the job. But for Naruto, that meant-

"We're alone."

Oh God, that was so not good.

"Alone? Is Iruka not coming home tonight?"

Naruto bit his lip and stood up straight, trying not to turn and look at Sasuke who he knew was standing at the doorway into the small kitchen. "He has a meeting tonight. They always run late."

"Hn. So what then?"

Naruto didn't know what to do. His thoughts were a mess, and his heart was in a place it shouldn't be. He wasn't sure he could handle being alone with Sasuke in this state.

"I suppose you should make dinner," Sasuke said.

Naruto blinked and finally turned to face the one putting him in such turmoil. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You're the 'wife', after all." And there was that trademark bastardly smirk on the handsome face.

Naruto glared. "I am not a girl."

Sasuke shrugged.

"I'm not making you dinner, jerk!"

Sasuke eyed him but made no response.

Well, at least _there_ was the bastard he was more used to dealing with. He felt a little more comfortable now, back in known territory. But his cheeks were still flush, and the hard beating of his heart was now joined with a strange fluttering in his stomach. He turned his head, crossed his arms and pouted. "All I can make is ramen."

"You can't cook?"

Naruto made no comment.

"Hn. I don't like ramen. Should we order take out?"

Naruto blinked and frowned at his companion. "You don't like ramen?"

"So?"

Naruto sighed. "Yup. It'd never work. I can't be married to someone who doesn't like ramen. Nope. Destined for failure. Ramen is the greatest love of my life, after all."

Sasuke frowned. "Ramen."

Naruto grinned. "Yup, ramen."

"You really are an idiot," Sasuke sighed, a strange, almost irritated look in his dark eyes.

"Hehe, too bad for you!" Naruto stuck out his tongue at the jerk, and then suddenly felt his back hit the fridge behind him, a heavy warmth against his body. Then hard lips pressed to his own, his breath sucked out of him.

Sasuke was _kissing_ him.

Sudden and fierce, hard and determined, Naruto couldn't breathe, couldn't hear over the sound of his pounding heart. Such persistent lips pressing into his, a tongue sweeping across seeking access. He could feel Sasuke's hands, one on his waist pulling Naruto closer, the other along his jaw, angling his face for a better taste.

And Naruto was lost.

How had this happened? How had Naruto been swept into this situation? He didn't _want_ to be married to this guy! But then why was he here, caught between a hard body and the fridge, making out in Iruka's kitchen?

How was it he thought he might be possibly, maybe, kinda sorta falling in love with Uchiha Sasuke?

It didn't make sense.

The kiss broke, and Naruto was left panting in Sasuke's arms.

"Wha- What was…" Naruto couldn't get the words out.

"That was a kiss, moron," was Sasuke's just as breathless reply.

"I know _that_, jerk. I mean… why would you…" Naruto swallowed, and he blushed at the taste of Sasuke still on his lips.

"Well, we are married. I have every right to."

Naruto managed to glare at him, and Sasuke smirked back briefly before it dropped again. "And you kept giving me looks." He ran a hand down the side of Naruto's face, taking some strands of blond hair between his fingers. "What else could I do? I couldn't take it anymore. And like hell if I'm going to lose to damn ramen."

"Couldn't… What looks? Ramen…? I don't…" Naruto searched Sasuke's gaze, wondering at the strange look, intense and clear and… passionate.

"Those looks, like you wanted to be kissed."

The blond pursed his lips, trying to think if he had given any looks like that. He couldn't recall it, but then, he had been too preoccupied with Sasuke looking so damn hot. Wait, could that have caused the looks?

Naruto started chewing on his lower lip thoughtfully, before he was suddenly pulled again into another kiss. Again he was lost, completely engulfed in the sensations of being at the mercy of a more dominant male.

Shit, did he really have a feminine spirit? How the hell had that happened? He had definitely never been attracted to a guy before, so why now? Why _this_ sneaky bastard?

"Sasuke…" Naruto panted, pulling away. "Damnit you jerk, why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what? We're married. There's a lot more we could do."

Naruto's face went red at the implication, while Sasuke just smirked at him, hands wandering further down Naruto's body at a leisurely pace. "W-we can't."

"Why not?"

"I-Iruka could be back at any moment."

"I thought you said those meetings last hours."

Naruto tried to think, tried to find a reason why they couldn't, but nothing would come to mind. Why couldn't they? Sasuke was right, they were married, so why not? Why shouldn't Naruto pull that sexy bastard to his bedroom and do all kinds of naughty things Iruka would go red in the face at the thought of?

The blond swallowed thickly as he thought, trying to distract his mind away from wandering hands. It wasn't working well, though. And thoughts of all the things those hands and tongue could do to him wouldn't leave his mind.

Why the hell had he allowed Kakashi-sensei and ero-senin to expose him to all those porn novels?

"Naruto," Sasuke murmured, kissing at the blond's neck, tongue running along his skin.

Naruto shivered. Well, shit…

"Damnit, you sneaky bastard," Naruto muttered. He pulled Sasuke up and they joined lips, Naruto wrapping his arms around the older boy's neck and pulling him close, giving in and wrapping his legs around Sasuke's waist. He couldn't take it anymore. He was giving in.

Sasuke didn't take long to get the message, and soon he had lifted Naruto and was making his way carefully out of the kitchen and down the hall, heading to the door he knew led into Naruto's bedroom. He had never been in it before, but he had passed it frequently enough on the way to the bathroom, taking brief peeks into it as he passed.

The door was slightly open when they stumbled in, still kissing and touching, both impatient to get to the bed and the fun part.

Without prelude Sasuke dumped Naruto on the bed, positioning himself on top of the blond, pinning the younger boy between the bed and his own hard body. Mouths met fiercely, Sasuke pressing down roughly, knee pushing between Naruto's legs.

A pale hand slipped beneath the loose hem of Naruto's white shirt, fingers ghosting over the skin of Naruto's flat stomach, a quiet gasp escaping from Naruto's lips at the light touch. He tensed and grasped Sasuke harder, pulling him closer, his lips parting further to let Sasuke's hot tongue slide inside. He groaned again, and Sasuke pressed in even harder, trying to get as close as possible.

Naruto felt dizzy. His vision was swimming and he shut his eyes, letting the sensations assault him without the use of sight. The touches felt more intense, and he could practically hear his heart racing, his lungs burning with the need for air Sasuke's mouth was denying him.

It was a struggle; breath or Sasuke? He pulled against Sasuke again, the choice obvious- Sasuke.

He let out a long moan as Sasuke's fingers moved lower, pressing against his growing erection through the pants of his school uniform. Sasuke was everywhere, his intoxicating scent making Naruto heady. Then those hands moved again, and Naruto got a moment to breath as Sasuke pulled away to pull off the blond's uniform. Slowly hands moved down along Naruto's chest, undoing button after button, before pulling off the white shirt, leaving him bare and trembling before covering him again with Sasuke's own body, lips meeting once again. Naruto sighed happily, trying to press harder into Sasuke.

He trembled again as Sasuke's hand ran down the bare skin of his chest, then he gasped when that hand covered his throbbing erection through his pants, rubbing firmly.

"S-Sasuke!" Naruto moaned loudly, biting his lip, his eyes shut tight as he gasped.

Sasuke smirked, pleased with the reaction before once more attacking the blond's neck, sucking and biting, his hands beginning the process of removing the remaining clothes covering that deliciously tanned body.

"Y-you… really are a jerk," Naruto panted. "Take yours off too."

"Hn," Sasuke murmured, but he hastily removed his shirt, and they were bare chest to bare chest.

"Ah, shit," Naruto groaned.

"Thought this is what you wanted," Sasuke muttered against Naruto's throat.

"Shit, yes it is…" It felt marvelous, feeling the heat of Sasuke's body against him.

Naruto clutched harder to Sasuke, his nails lightly biting into smooth, pale skin.

His pants slid down his hips, down his thighs, and then they were on the floor, and Sasuke's hand was between his legs, fingers lightly dusting up and down his inner thighs, coming dangerously close to where Naruto most desperately wanted to be touched.

"Damnit, bastard. Stop teasing me," Naruto growled.

"You should know by now how much I enjoy teasing you," Sasuke whispered against his heated skin, and Naruto groaned again, swallowing thickly.

"J-jerk," Naruto panted. Sasuke smirked, and Naruto let out a louder groan as a finger traced the rim of his entrance before slipping inside. He could feel his breathing speed up, his breaths coming in shallow and heavy, gasps overtaking him with each thrust of that long thin finger moving inside of him.

Sasuke's tongue traced a pert nipple as a second finger entered the panting blond, Naruto grasping onto Sasuke as tightly as he could, one hand with nails digging into the older boy's shoulder, the other with fingers buried in soft dark hair.

"Mngh, Sasuke," Naruto panted, lashes fluttering over still closed eyes.

A third finger, quickly followed by a fourth-Sasuke was getting impatient, his pants growing ever tighter. He bit the nipple his tongue had been teasing and moved to the other, lavishing attention to it as Naruto moaned, his legs spreading wider as Sasuke's fingers moved inside of him. It was painful, but at the same time, felt so wonderfully pleasant.

But it wasn't enough. Naruto knew Sasuke could give him more, and he didn't know how much longer he could stand to be deprived. "Sasuke," Naruto whined, licking his dry lips.

Sasuke smirked and joined his lips again to Naruto's, repositioning himself over his squirming blond, unbuttoning his pants with the hand not holding himself up as he situated himself. Then he reached into his back pocket, pulled a small tube out and opened it quickly with his teeth, squeezing a generous amount of something slick onto his now exposed member, before carefully lubricating it with his free hand.

"Wh-what is…" Naruto managed to pant out, his face scrunching in confusion as he watched through half-lidded eyes.

"Lube, dobe. Obviously."

Naruto scowled. "Why the _hell _do you have that with you."

That smirk again, dark eyes gazing intently at the boy under him. "We're married. Might as well be prepared for it."

Naruto really wanted to argue more, but all thought shattered as he felt something touch against his entrance, distracted by what he knew was coming next. He swallowed thickly, and his lips once more came into contact with Sasuke's, the older boy's tongue entering his mouth just as his rock hard erection began to enter Naruto's body.

First it started out a little uncomfortable, but then the pain struck, and Naruto's eyes sot open and his whole body tensed at the intrusion. He whimpered, and Sasuke brought his hand back up and took hold of the blond's erection, pumping it roughly to distract the easily distracted blond.

And soon the pain was gone, fading away and replaced by an intense pleasure Naruto had never felt the likes of before with every perfectly aimed thrust. His breathing once more became heavy and shallow as the thrusts became harder and faster, each penetrating farther inside of him. It was all Naruto could do to hold on tightly to his panting lover, their bodies both becoming coated in sweat, the air filling with heat and moans and the smell of sex.

Naruto's eyes slid shut once more as he bit his lip fiercely, strangling the moan which came with his release, his body tensing up around the hard member inside of him, his stomach tightening and then springing loose, his seed bursting onto both of their stomachs. Naruto continued to pant as Sasuke continued thrusting, harsh, shallow, frenzied- until at last he too reached his end and Naruto shivered at the feel of something hot and thick coating his insides.

They lay there a moment longer, panting, trying to catch their breaths.

Slowly Naruto's brain began to piece itself back together from the pile of mush it had become, and the realization of what had just happened began to dawn on him.

"Well," Sasuke sighed, and Naruto noted with trepidation the return of that arrogant smirk, "looks like we've just consummated our marriage, hm?"

* * *

(1) Itterashai – "Go and come back"

(2) Ittekimasu – "I'll go and come back"

(3) Typically, everyone in the family has their own tea cup, rice bowl, chopsticks, etc that they use for every dinner. My host mother gave me mine to bring home when I left ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the lack of update last week. But here is the last part of this story, and with that, I can finally say I've completed one! Yay.

I haven't worked on the other stories, but we'll have to see how things go in the coming weeks. School is on the verge of kicking my butt, but graduation draws ever closer!

Anyways, here we go, last part!

Warnings: unbeta'd

Disclaimer: don't own

* * *

"Oh, god, I've been tricked," Naruto muttered for the thousandth time.

Sasuke sighed, but otherwise ignored the traumatized blond sitting with his forehead on the table. "No one tricked you, idiot," he said at last, finishing up the concoction he had been making to serve as dinner. "And shouldn't you be doing this? You're the 'wife'."

"I'm not your wife, asshole!" Naruto shrieked, his head shooting up to glare at Sasuke.

Naruto's stomach was still in knots over what he'd just done, and looking at the boy he had done it _with_ wasn't helping. Because Sasuke was still just as gorgeous, just as tall and lithe and nonchalant, and he was still making those butterflies party like crazy in his stomach. He didn't think he could eat, he didn't think he could _move_ at this point (his backside was slowly starting to hurt like hell), and he couldn't believe he was actually still feeling attracted to the bastard.

Sasuke glanced back at him, a brow elegantly raised in amusement. "Who was on the receiving end again?"

"Bastard!" Naruto shrieked.

Sasuke turned back to what he was doing and ladled a heaping pile of whatever on a plate, setting it down in front of the irrational blond.

"I can't believe this. I can't believe Shinobi-baa would do this to me. I'm a boy. I'm super masculine. I'm brave and dashing and manly," Naruto continued to mutter. "I don't bend over for other guys. I don't _look_ like a girl, I don't _act_ like a girl. I. Am. Not. A. Girl. Damnit~!"

"Keep telling yourself that, idiot," Sasuke replied, sitting down at the table with his own plate.

"I don't wanna hear that from you, asshole! I can't believe you'd agree to this whole crazy scheme! Was Shinobi-baa seriously out of her mind?"

Sasuke cast him a slightly disbelieving look. "You should know the answer to that for yourself, shouldn't you? After all, you spent more time with her than anyone. She adored you. Why else would she be so insistent that you marry her favorite grandson, even if we are both male."

"But-"

"Look," Sasuke sighed, "What's done is done. And you obviously don't hate me as much as you claim, considering how willingly you let me do you."

"But you tricked me~!" Naruto whined.

"For the last time, no one tricked you. Kami, you're irritating. If anything, I'm the one who was tricked into this whole thing."

Naruto paused in his complaining to stare at Sasuke. "What the hell is that supposed to mean. You could have backed out of this at any time. You understood the whole situation way more than me."

Sasuke frowned and looked away, his dark gaze fixated out of the window, in the direction where Shinobi-baa's house stood.

He sighed. "I really had no intention… of going through with this. As much as my grandmother favored me, I can't honestly say I felt the same. I visited occasionally when I had spare time, but it was mostly out of a feeling of obligation. She was alone in that house, and she was making me heir to it. I don't know how much you know about the Uchiha family, but we used to be large, extremely wealthy and well-connected, and tremendously proud and well-regarded. But gradually the family began to spread out and lost some of its clout. Several members made bad choices, both in business and their personal lives, and we've lost a lot of our power.

"My grandmother was married to the head of the family, my father is her only child, and once my grandfather passed, he became the head of the family- what's left of it. He made the decision long before my brother was born to move the center of the family away from here, but my grandmother refused to leave her home, a house which had been the residence of the main family for generations.

"But no one could be bothered to come back and visit her, and she was all alone. For some reason, she took a liking to me, and every chance she could, she'd manage to get me to come here. I never enjoyed it. Being here didn't interest me, and I wasn't particularly interested in being alone in that house with an old lady. She was smart; I'm sure she knew I didn't want to be here."

Naruto frowned, and Sasuke heaved yet another sigh, then glanced briefly at Naruto. "The last time I visited her, she was different. Before, it was like she was resigned to the way things were, to how everything had turned out. She wanted to spoil me, but she didn't want me to hate her. We both knew I was only here out of obligation. But the last time… she was really, genuinely happy. She talked more than usual, wasn't bothered by my usual antisocial ways… She was more alive than I could ever remember her being."

Naruto pursed his lips, familiar tears stinging his eyes again.

"When she started talking about you, it all made sense. Still, when she brought up the idea of me marrying you, I told her no. She wouldn't let up though, so in the end, like I told you before, I told her I'd meet you, and nothing more."

He sat back in his chair and was silent for a moment, Naruto lightly picking at the pile of white rice and beef before him.

"And then I actually met you."

Naruto blinked up at him.

"It might sound ridiculous, but everything changed. I can honestly say, I've never met anyone more beautiful."

"Eh?" Naruto nearly dropped his chopsticks, grains of rice and bits of beef falling on his pants and onto the floor.

Sasuke glanced at him again. "I can't remember ever having as much fun before either. The Uchiha are cold and stiff, but teasing you and bantering with you has been fun and relaxing. Just meeting you for a few moments was enough for me to decide I was willing to go through with Obaa-sama's (1) request. And the more time we spent together…"

"Then-"

Sasuke shrugged. "I have no desire to go back to the Uchiha. I don't mind living here, away from them, for the rest of my life. And I wouldn't mind that being with you."

Naruto frowned. "But what about all that 'I don't care' crap you're always saying?"

The older boy huffed. "I'm an Uchiha. I wasn't going to admit I was enamored with you."

"So what, it was love at first sight?"

"Tch. I wouldn't go that far."

"But you wanted me," Naruto insisted.

"Sexually, at least."

"Ugh, pervert."

Sasuke shrugged.

Thinking about it, Naruto really wondered when he himself had started to want to be with Sasuke. Was it really just today that he had noticed it? If it had been, he wasn't the type of person to just go to bed with someone, even if they were married. So then, when? When he started coming over more frequently? When he first invited himself over to the house? Or maybe when Naruto had gone to Shinobi-baa's intending to refuse to marry him. Or maybe…

Maybe it had been love at first sight for him, too.

He bit his lip and looked away. He had to admit it, there was something extremely alluring about Sasuke. He'd heard a lot about him from Shinobi-baa, but he couldn't say he had really listened. But hadn't he always listened with rapt attention to everything Shinobi-baa said? And didn't he love her fiercely? And her eyes… he had always admired her eyes, the same eyes Sasuke had inherited.

He glanced at Sasuke again, who was eating slowly, his eyes only on his food. Sasuke was handsome; Naruto could still feel the partying butterflies, those butterflies who had never celebrated so hard, even at the height of his unreciprocated crush on Sakura-chan.

"Sasuke," Naruto murmured.

"Hm?"

"Maybe… maybe we can try this marriage thing," he said, again picking at his food, this time a bit nervously. "I mean, we can always get divorced later, right, if it doesn't work out?"

"Like hell. You're stuck with me dobe. No divorce. I'll go crazy if anyone else touches you. Face it, you're mine, moron."

Naruto glared at him, but his lips curved upward, and soon he was grinning, then laughing. "Bastard. Guess I'll just have to get used to you then! Prepare yourself jerk, it ain't gonna be easy dealing with me!"

"Tch, idiot." Sasuke smirked, and Naruto only paused his laughing long enough for a kiss.

* * *

Sasuke was rubbing his head, obviously trying to alleviate the headache. Naruto and Kiba were arguing to the side, a cat haphazardly tucked under each of their right arms. Iruka was busy dutifully scrubbing the floor in the room Naruto had spent so much time in conversing with Shinobi-baa, the shoji doors opened letting in the fresh spring air as Sasuke stood by his tomato plants.

The cherry trees were blooming, pink petals cascading into the yard and into the pond, light pink dotting Naruto's blond hair.

"I'm telling you, blondie, you can't feed a cat ramen!"

"But cats like meat, and pork ramen has pork! It's a perfect combination, everyone's happy!"

"No, you're a moron. Cats can't eat ramen."

"Well they should. We should start a revolution, right cat! Ramen For Everycat! Cats Deserve Ramen Too! ! Oh, but that doesn't have 'cat' in it…"

"Dobe, enough. Give the cats proper cat food."

"But-"

"NO," Sasuke growled.

"Naruto, stop arguing and come help me. This is your house now, I'm not supposed to be doing all of the cleaning."

"Well why doesn't Sasuke help?" Naruto grumbled.

"Isn't cleaning the 'wife's' job?" Sasuke replied.

Kiba burst into laughter, and Naruto frowned. "Hey, asshole, that's sexism and discrimination and… Ugh, bastard, I'm not a girl!"

"Tch, you sure about that?" And Sasuke sent him a knowing smirk.

Naruto promptly went red, Kiba doubling up in laughter even more, the poor cat in his arm taking off and slithering into the house to find a safe hiding spot away from the crazy humans. Iruka just sighed and shook his head, returning to the floor.

"Jerk! Keep being mean to me and I'm so out of here," Naruto pouted.

The smirk died and a fierce, determined look came into Sasuke's dark eyes. "Like hell, moron. I'll chase you down wherever you go."

"That a threat?" Naruto grinned.

"A promise. And like a certain someone, I don't intend to break a promise."

Naruto blinked at him, his cheeks getting warmer, and a small smile came to his face.

He had kept his promise, in the end, and though sometimes he still wondered if it hadn't been a crazy lady joke on him, he was increasingly coming to the decision it wasn't such a bad joke after all if it was.

Though sometimes, he wondered if Shinobi-baa wasn't up there in heaven cackling her crazy old lady laugh- probably at Naruto's expense. But still, so long as she was happy.

And he had the feeling he could be happy as well.

~おわり~

* * *

(1) Grandmother


End file.
